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(1 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

[10 Oct 2009|06:07pm]
I'm tired of people acting stupid, quit beating around the bush and  making up lame ass excuses to make up for your shitty behavior/communication, just be fucken honest. I'm not a fucken idiot, I know what its really like.

If you're going to be a friend, then be one, if not then say so. I don't have time for bullshit in my life.

Josh is leaving in a week. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared.

(1 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

lost my mind, be back soon. [29 Sep 2009|01:49am]
[ mood | irate ]

I'm so excited yet scared at the same time of fucking everything up. Deadlines are cutting close, and I don't know if I will be able to maintain my cool. I know I can, I know I can, I just have to utilize my time wisely and get shit done!!! But of course sometimes you just want to sit and do nothing. I think I work better under pressure anyway, but damn just thinking about everything I need to get done makes me want to @#%$%&8$^^*#%#57%^&*%6  I don't know!

Someone take over my life for the next two weeks.


(Brat Grrl)

mi corazon. [27 May 2009|12:38pm]
I talked to Josh yesterday and we had one of the sweetest/saddest conversations yet. I think that as we near seeing each other again, we're so overwhelmed with emotions and we are missing each other a lot more.

He told me that he's been thinking about me and what I'm going through and how he hates having put me in this position. And I hate when he says this because I don't want him to feel resentful of having married me and made my life "miserable." I told him that never once did I think to myself that I don't want to marry him because of what I will eventually have to go through, that is the farthest thing from my mind. I love him and I knew there was a possibility of this happening, but that didn't stop me or even cross my mind, all that I care about is that I love him, and I would do anything for him. Besides I told him that regardless of who we were to be with, we would still have to struggle somehow, and hopefully this is the most difficult thing that we are going to have to go through. He said that if for some reason we were to ever split up, he doesn't think he would ever get married again, because he would never be able to find someone as supportive and loving as me, and who would endure as much as I have and fight for our relationship as I do.

He apologized for things that he's done in the past and acknowledged that he hasn't always been the best husband, but that he truly loves me and values me and would do anything for me. The beginning of our marriage was definitely a rollercoaster, and I'm kind of grateful for this in a way, because I feel it has helped us reevaluate ourselves and our relationship and really appreciate each other more, and especially for him its helped him realize how much I really do care and love him, something that he never really grasped until now. And of course this only helps us strengthen our love, respect, and trust for each other, unlike others who would probably weaken through this and give up. I cannot stress enough how much I love him and how truly lucky I am to be with him. He has turned out to be the ideal person for me. Especially speaking to friends about their past/current relationships I see just how fortunate I am to be with a person like him. He has always supported me in my dreams, he never once told me not to go to San Francisco, he even moved over there for me so I can continue my education. He has truly done so much for me, and I appreciate it because I know not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like that.

I have to contact the consulate in Juarez directly in the hopes of them reviewing his denial. This time I'm going to write them a letter and also include letters from two of his bosses/company owners to persuade them of his need  not just by me, but others. His bosses did tell him a long time ago that they would be willing to do whatever they could to help him out, because he is one of their best workers. Not to mention that he is also one of the youngest, yet he was one of the most skilled and knowledgeable so they had him in charge of million dollar projects,. He was even the boss of men who are way older than him and have been plumbing longer than him. They would even fight for him, because they both wanted him to work for them. So hopefully we can get through and have them reduce his time, or at least hope that he won't have to face any more time after this waiting period is over. i plan on bugging the shit out of them until they hear my cries.

(2 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

[28 Apr 2009|01:20pm]
I'm going to L.A. in two weeks, and I'm going to be there for two weeks. kind of annoying because I don't want to be there that long, doing nothing. I really only need a few days. But since I'm going with my uncle, and he's going to be there for two weeks, I have to stay there so that we can come back together, which will help me save money.

Now I just need to figure out who is willing to go to Mexico with me if anything, otherwise Josh is going to have to bus it all the way up to Laredo, so we can drive down together.

My parents are there right now, but they'll be back tomorrow, and the rest of my family is going to Zacatecas this weekend, for my little cousins bautizo. Of course I can't go because I'm not done with school until next week, and I have to go to L.A. first before going to Mexico. I think they're stupid and they should have waited at least til the end of the month, that way things could have worked out slightly better with my plans to go to L.A. and then Mexico. We could have all driven down together.

It's just that Josh wants me to go to Mexico as soon as I can. He feels that me being in L.A. for two weeks is a waste of time, that's half a month, more time that I could be spending with him, instead of being over here doing nothing. I mean I could just go quick, and come back by myself earlier, but that's the main thing, I don't want to come back by myself. Driving to El Paso/Juarez was only 14 hours, which was easy, I drove 13 hours of that, but to here its almost a whole day, otherwise I wouldn't mind. My parents can't go with me since they just left to Mexico, and my mom is going to start working as soon as she gets back. And my brother works M-F and would have to take at least two days off during the week to go with me so i can handle my business over there, and I don't know if they would even let him also since he wants to take a couple of days off during the summer to visit Josh and possibly drive back with me from Mexico.

Somehow even though school is almost over, I don't feel any less stressed about my life. But once I'm with Josh everything will be fine.

(Brat Grrl)

[13 Apr 2009|09:29pm]
I'm pretty relieved to find out that I will be spending at least 2 months with Josh. We just kind of decided right now, when he sweetly asked me if I could stay with him for two months. I got teary eyed and said of course. I was thinking that I was probably just going to spend maybe 3 weeks with him, but he told me not to worry about a job right now, and to just work when I come back. I feel like a big stress has been lifted off my shoulders, and now I don't have to feel rushed to get all these things done that I have planned before I go to Mexico, but I can actually take my time.

The money and everything else doesn't even matter, its just about spending time with each other. At times I wonder if this will actually make us more distant, but it just seems to make us even stronger. I truly love him, and I am happy to have someone who gets me and puts as much effort into the relationship as I do. We both realize what is necessary to stay close, and what is more valuable in life, and we just appreciate each other. He still makes me feel amazing, and does sweet little things for me, even though he is far away. I love him.

(Brat Grrl)

familia [02 Apr 2009|11:25am]
This past weekend I dragged my family along to the Museo Alameda which is located in El Mercadito, which is their version of Placita Olvera, except its a bit more bootleg. But the museum issss Beautiful.

Another reason why I love it is because all of the exhibits pertain to Latino Art. The current exhibits are about Chicano Art, and the other one is on Immigration. The previous time that we went it was about the African presence in Mexico.  Anyway this past weekend since it was still March, Women's History Month, they were having a family day to celebrate Historical Latina Women. So they had several crafts for children, one which was to make cascarones, and the other was to make a Latina Women Codex Book.

It was so odd in the museum because I saw my mom actually analyzing the artwork and explaining it to a white woman. I never knew that side of my mom, she's never really been that type so it kind of surprised me but also made me proud. My parents have really changed a lot, which is amazing, and they're being more active than me for once. My dad is working on the down low to create a union at his job. So he goes to meetings all the time, and goes around to peoples homes to try to get them to join. And my dad actually speaks more English now, which is odd because he would only speak it at work, never at home. And its just amazing to see the relationship that my siblings have with him, which me and Johnny never did. I really feel like I'm getting to know them for the first time, because they are really different people now, and I'm happy for them.

(Brat Grrl)

good bye [28 Feb 2009|04:27pm]

Yesterday night, my sister told my brother Joshua that I was going to leave tomorrow, as in tonight and he started accusing me of not telling him that I was leaving. And I reminded him that I did tell him that I was going to go see Josh, I leave the room and a few minutes later Johnny tells me to check on Josh. And I see his face bright red crying his heart out, I asked him what was wrong because he is sobbing like crazy, and he tells me that he's going to miss me. Cutest but saddest thing ever. I kept telling him that I'm coming back, and consoled him until he felt better, and told him that Josh misses me too and I need to go see him. He was still sad for a little while, but he calmed down. And this morning while we were laying in bed he gave me the sweetest hug ever. I love that no matter how long I've been away, he never forgets me, he always still misses me and continues to love me. I love that kid.


So tonight, on my way. And by mid day tomorrow I should be with Josh.


(Brat Grrl)

[19 Feb 2009|02:29am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I heard back from the Dean of the school which I was assigned to and she told me that the only position left is with a P.E. Coach. WTF?!?! was my reaction. That is so far away from what I want to do, so I'm a bit upset, because I don't feel like I would learn anything beneficial by working with a coach. I mean I know I can learn some stuff, but I feel like I wouldn't learn as much as I could and want to from that, since its not even remotely close to what I want to teach. And I'm not just volunteering, I'm working on my career goals. Plus I'm already compromising because I want to do high school, and I have to do this at a middle school.  I already emailed my teacher and will be speaking to her tomorrow, so hopefully we can work something out, otherwise I will be pissed off because it won't be satisfying what I want to do in any way.

(Brat Grrl)

school [18 Feb 2009|01:46pm]

I have permission from all my teachers to skip school the week before Spring Break, Next week I just have to turn in 5 1pg journal entries, plus do my readings early and take two extra quizzes that Thursday, plus turn in 2 papers for my education class that same day and take a test, plus another test on friday for government. It seems like a lot but I can whip out a paper in no time, and I just have to do the readings and study for my tests. and then I'll have two weeks to spend with Josh!!!! yay!!!

I'm glad that all my teachers were understanding and they all gave me good advice and consoled me regarding having to deal with this separation. My education teacher said that I didn't even have to do anything to make up for being absent, because I would still have an A even if I didn't attend school that week, but I would rather turn in something. She said I'm her best student , I have 100% in the class, and basically told me that the things that I've written about education and what I plan to do will make me a great teacher. =)

I am going to start my service learning hours at a Middle School, because unfortunately they couldn't get me to do it at a high school, since none of the schools have responded and I figured it would be fine, I will just focus on 8th grade, which is the closest thing. I mean teenagers are teenagers. And hopefully I can get hired there as well, which is my ideal job, especially considering the situation I'm in. It would be a great schedule, if I'm hired as a tutor I get paid more, and I would get time to spend with Josh when I need to because of the vacations. I'm just waiting for them to contact me back and we'll see how everything goes.

Now to bust my ass this weekend and get everything done!

(Brat Grrl)

my love [16 Feb 2009|10:18pm]
[ mood | in love ]

I talked to Josh's brother the other day and he was telling me that his dad really likes me and thinks I'm a really good wife and person in general. He told me that when he talks to Josh he tells him what a good wife I am and that he better not do anything stupid to mess things up with me, cuz he's never going to find someone else like me

And I mean its true, I would say the same about him. When I left to San Francisco he never tried to stop me, and throughout the long distance, he's always been there to support me. He's never held me back from anything, and I know he would say the same about me. I mean I've seen those gf's/wives that don't want their husband hanging with their friends, playing in a band, making excuses and just being selfish. But I've always supported him in everything that he's wanted to do and seen its importance, and he's always been a very dedicated person. When he really wants something, he goes for it. We use our strengths to help each other, and also the fact that we're both on the same page when it comes to our financial spending and our values in general helps a lot, no to mention our communication. We've never put each other down or tried to hold each other back from anything, which is why we've been successful thus far, and why I know we will be in the future.

We're going to be kicking ass together.

Honestly he's a better person than me. He is so inspirational because he's never let anything get in his way of succeeding, such as his citizenship status, unlike pretty much everyone else in our lives who have things so much easier and have so many more opportunities yet they don't do anything with their lives. He never makes excuses for not working or not having a job, he doesn't waste a second, when we were in Mexico he started working the next day, and now he's trying to get hired as a teacher. No matter where he is, he always finds ways to improve himself, and he is so good at accomplishing many things in so little time. He's my hero, and knowing him he would say that I'm his hero because he wouldn't have been able to do so many things without me. It all goes vice-versa between us.

I mean, he wants me to take him different types of math books, and plumbing books, and he owns a medical dictionary and reads it just for fun. He had me quiz him for a month every day on capitals and states for the world. We had a huge world map on our wall. He just likes bettering himself and gaining more knowledge even though some of it is pretty random. He's a nerd, well we both pretty much are, and I love him for that. I miss him.

(Brat Grrl)

doing awesome [16 Feb 2009|01:03am]
aside from the A++ paper I wrote, I've been doing really well in school. I was one of the two people who got 100 on my test for intro to teaching, as well as my geography test. I'm kicking ass without breaking a sweat. 

Josh is proud of me like usual. I know that if he was here he would take me out and say, "anything for you princess, anything," and tell me that we can go out wherever I want and eat wherever I want, because its MY day, which was almost every week. He's always been supportive and sweet and rewarded me for the good things I've done and achieved. He's always made me feel special. He told me he has some surprises for me when I go see him, and I can't imagine what it is, I'm guessing its probably some Mexican art or something like that.

By the way I bought this beautiful Mexican vase and this awesome Aztec artifact for $1 by some nuns having a yard sale. weird.

Sometimes I feel like I'm out of touch with the world, I don't really feel it. I mean Valentines Day just passed but to me it was just another day, nothing special. I guess it does have to do with the fact that Josh is a Jehova's Witness, but it meshes well with me, because I'm not into all these celebrations and making big deals out of things. We're very simple people, and we just don't buy into all this hype. It just that there's people who obsess over this shit, and it just seems ridiculous.

I honestly couldn't have found a much better person, I truly love Josh, I'm so lucky to have met him. he is just an amazing person. Most of all I just love how were both on the same level when it comes to values and how supportive and loving we are toward each other. Anything that he's wanted to do or that I've wanted, we've always been there for each other and NEVER tried to hold the other back. Whatever we put our minds to, we get it done. I've never tried to refrain him from doing anything, we both support each other to the max when it comes to our goals in life, and everything we do is to help not just ourselves but others. We do have our issues and differences, and our goals are different, but overall, when it comes to the most important things we both have the same passion. We just mesh well together.

Seriously some days it seems so surreal, when I would lay next to him, I would stare and be amazed thinking about how I'm really with him, and just how much I fucking love him.

Time sure flies and I will be with him in two weeks!!!!!! =)

(2 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

anniversary [11 Feb 2009|09:43am]

so 4 years ago today I met Josh at the infamous lovebug, It seems so much longer than that, crazy. I was reading over my entries when I first started dating him and it touches my heart reading about how wild and crazy we were, all of us at that time. Its kind of sad too, to see how close we all were and how many great things we did together, and now I have no contact with anyone.

Anyway I was just thinking about it yesterday and I am planning on going to L.A. at some point in May after school ends, and it just came to me that I'll probably go near the end of May to be there for Audrey's anniversary. Regardless of whether I go at that time or not, I'm still going to visit her when I'm there, And when I come back, I'm going to head to Mexico to be with Josh for a good majority of the summer if not all of it.

My day will consit of working out, crocheting, and then calling Josh so we can reminisce about these past 4 years, or cry about it since he's not here.

(Brat Grrl)

A++ [07 Feb 2009|07:24pm]
I got my first A++ didn't know it was possible, but I got it.

I was actually pretty damn surprised. It was for my Texas Government class, we were supposed to write about Obama, and what it means to myself, the country, and the world, you know to have a Black President. I was a bit worried because I didn't really speak about Obama for one, I mostly just criticized the government and said its bullshit and it needs to change. I talked about the exploitation of Mexico and immigration, and that its the U.S.' fault for this immigration "problem." And well I just basically stated how I didn't give a fuck about these last elections because to me it doesn't matter who's running it, this country is pretty much bullshit and nothing will really change. And I'm not about to put all my hopes on one person, but I did speak about autonomy and community action and just how I feel a hopelessness, and I don't really care for this government much, especially when all its done is bring me pain, in regards to my family and how its separated me from Josh. I talked about social movements and how much repression there is in this country and things like that.

What worried me is that I barely even mentioned Obama, I mean I did state that it is significant in the fact that this will open up discussions about race, since we need it cuz this country is racist as fuck. And I wrote about annoying white people who say they're not racist and have friends of color, yet they're so uncomfortable talking about race, even though they don't "judge" people on their skin color. My teacher dug that part of my paper. But the other thing was that I'm of course in Texas and my professor was in the army for a long time, did all kinds of crazy stuff, so I thought that maybe he was going to come out with the anti-american bullshit and tell me to go back to Mexico. But he loved it. He told me it was the best paper in the class and that it was just amazing. He said he was even going to ask me to read it in front of the class last week, but thank god I wasn't there. I honestly wouldn't mind if he had read it, I would have let him, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself, I would get so emotional especially where I speak about Josh, not that it would be my first time crying in front of a class. So yeah, confidence booster, its always nice to be recognized and told you created something meaningful.

(Brat Grrl)

[04 Feb 2009|09:38pm]

My life is pretty blah right now. I'm not completely satisfied with school because I don't feel like I'm learning anything that is in the least way stimulating. Everything is pretty average, and in a way that may be good, because I do feel that I need some tranquility, which I get plenty of here.

I've been working out and trying to be more healthy, which I am for the most part successful at. Just trying to stay positive with everything that I do.

My family seems to be somewhat getting over their bullshit, but my in-law family from Mexico continues to piss me off, because they can't seem to get over themselves and get out of peoples business. Josh's uncle continues to criticize his ideas and work ethic as if he has no clue what the fuck he's doing, when Josh was actually in charge of men who are way older than him, and who have been doing things longer than he has. I think there are those who are supportive and try to help you improve, and those that simply try to derail you and put you down, maybe because they're not as intelligent and quick when it comes to being successful and getting things done, so instead of being happy for you they constantly question your actions, jealous. Anyway these people are just proving to us that they don't deserve any help from us in the future and the minute you become less dependent on them they're quick to throw you under the bus. But we don't need them, fuck them.

Anyway Spring Break in almost one month. I am actually going to have a conversation with my teachers to see if I can turn in assignments or do tests a bit earlier, so that I can leave for Spring Break a few days ahead, so that I can actually spend more time with Josh. I'm sure they'll understand. And if all goes well I will be spending almost two weeks with him instead of just one.

Ahhhh I swear, the second he tells me he misses me I become so overwhelmed with emotions that I can't even speak. I start to feel a desperation in my heart, and its the worst feeling ever. I talked to his dad and he told me he spoke to his uncle, and that his uncles noticed that Josh has seemed very sad lately. Of course what I want for him is to be happy, so its breaks my heart to know that he feels miserable and that there's only so much I can do to make him feel better, and to try to steer him from becoming frustrated over there. But I'll be seeing him soon, which will be a great relief for both of us, and I'm going to take him lots of goodies to help him get through the days quicker. And he has actually cut his hair and will be trying to get hired as a teacher really soon, which I'm sure he will, and which will be better and healthier for him while he's there.

anyway good night. have to wake up at 6 to finish writing my paper before class.

(Brat Grrl)

new year. [15 Jan 2009|08:10pm]
[ mood | sick ]

So my two year wedding anniversary was on Tuesday. and that's pretty much it, I can't say I did something fun, how can I if Josh isn't here. But I spoke to him on the phone, and I really cried this time. Usually I tear up a bit when I have to say goodbye to him, but this time my heart was really hurting. But I have plans to visit him in March and then in May, once school ends. And he said that while I'm there he's not going to work, he just wants to spend every moment that he can with me, besides he only gets paid a measly $12 a day, so its not even worth it.

He has a lot of plans to do some great things while he's there. He wants to teach a plumbing course to young men there, so that they can know the codes, material, fittings, etc. so that if they plan on coming here they can find a good and decent job with the skills they learn, plus he has a lot of connections. He was actually upset because right before he left, his boss was going to leave him in charge of doing all the plumbing for Harbor College, he started it the first day, but he couldn't return. Anyway, he is also considering teaching there, since his neighbor is a teacher, and his aunt works for the presidency and is a supervisor at a kinder. I think it would be more beneficial, because he would be in an educational environment, he would have more time to learn, and of course get paid better. He wants to be a teacher anyway, once he "retires" from plumbing.

As for me, I already started school, and I like it. I'm excited but I was kind of ehh about the whole thing cuz I have to take lame general courses. But they're actually not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm just applying a more cultural emphasis on the things that I do and learn so that it is more interesting for me. I'm also taking an Intro to Teaching course, and we are actually going to do service learning. They will be pairing us up with someone that is teaching what we want to do. I'm anxious to see who I get, I just prefer and/or hope that the person I get has a social justice approach when it comes to their teaching. Because I feel like there are those who just teach, and that's fine but there are those who educate to liberate, which is what I want to do. Anyway I am hoping that this way I can get into the schools and be able to work there, even as a tutor, because working a regular job sucks. And I would prefer to have the same times off as the school, because that type of schedule would work better for me to be able to see Josh.

I think everyone in the class wants to teach elementary. And one girl was talking about how she wants to teach 3rd grade, and instill certain values and skills in them so that they do well as they grow. And as she said that I was just thinking that I am going to teach high school so that I can fix the shit that these teachers do or don't do while they're young, so that they don't end up dropping out and getting into all kinds of social ills. Because the majority of teens are very apathetic about life in general, and I feel like I want to save them, give them that last chance to do well and succeed. Either that or they just dig themselves into a hole, if no one reaches them in time. So I want to try and help them before they go off into the world and have to struggle to survive.

Oh and on one last note, I believe I have found my favorite place here. It's this bookstore called Nine Lives, which reminds me so much of San Francisco. It's amazing, they have so many things there, and for really cheap. I bought the readings for my English class at $6 each for the 3 books. And in school they cost $54 used. Plus I found the Living Chicana Theory brand new for $6. I checked online and someone is selling it for $80! Oh and I found a BUST back-issue for $2. Plus I love when bookstores have not just an African American section, but a Latino Section and Women Studies section. If they don't have Latino I am out of there, in a way it makes me feel like they don't really care or value us. But the other thing I like about the bookstore is that they have cats in there that just roam around. They live there and they also have a cat adoption program, hence nine lives.  I think that's so neat, I just felt a lot of good energy while I was in there.

Well I'm in the beginning stages of illness, so I think I will go take some day time medicine to fall asleep, because for some reason daytime makes me sleepy and nighttime makes me wide awake. =/

(2 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

good bye [16 Oct 2008|01:13pm]

i wont be seeing the majority of you for about 2+ years, if anything. i will either be in mexico or texas. so good luck, have a great life in the mean time and sucks that no one bothered to come say good bye.


(Brat Grrl)

music [12 Aug 2008|03:46pm]
I  was crocheting a bag for myself, and showed it to Josh. He really liked it and suggested that I could make some and sell them. Then we came up with the idea that I could make some bags with the band's logo on there and sell them. Which I believe is awesome. I'm trying to work out a pattern chart with the design and hope it comes out good. Then I can make many more and sell them at their shows. I mean who else has that?!  We love our music, we love our bands, and we love our bags, mix it with some D.I.Y. and TADA! Thinking about the ladies, awesome!

Also, I am so eager and excited. My aunt bought some tickets for the Desert Moon Festival, which is a festival that the Donnas themselves organize, which takes place at some desert town. They do a meet and greet, have a BBQ, raffle, sell merch, etc. Plus they also perform, and it is exclusively for Donnas Fan Club members, they get first dibs. But what is the best part is that the fans get to choose what songs they want them to perform, so they will have to brush up on all the old school songs we love. They just had their Quinceanera show, 15th Anniversary, and I wasn't able to attend because it was 21+ but this is even better because I will get to see them perform their old school hits from when they were really young. =)

(1 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

[15 May 2008|11:54am]
 My life is good right now, but I do feel lonely most of the time. I love Josh and we do everything together, but sometimes there's that need for friends.  And I honestly don't feel like I have any. If anything everyone from San Francisco keeps telling me to go back, and at times I really do wish I was there, I think I would have been happier there. I miss my school and the amazing teachers and courses that  I had. Plus all the genuine and awesome friends that I had there. Hanging out in the Women's Center and the MEChA office, organizing and attending events, I haven't done any of that here. I see all the things that my friends are doing over there, and it makes me sad because I really wish I was there. I miss them and I miss the city and all its beautiful places.  And I miss my job and the co-workers who were like family to me, I fucking hate my store manager here, and I am miserable at work most of the time. I'm not going to school yet, therefore I haven't created those friendships that I desperately miss and long for, and I already have a feeling that I'm not going to like school here with all the bullshit that I've encountered thus far. I wanted to come back here because I thought it would help keep me close to those that I felt I was becoming distant from, but it hasn't helped at all.

I don't know what to do, maybe once I start school, things will get better. Let's hope.

(2 Suck My Clit | Brat Grrl)

[16 Apr 2008|07:15am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I picked up Stitch n Bitch, in the hopes of getting back into something that I found fascinating when I was young, but then had no care for, and now am eager to learn and create. I miss being the "thrifty" and creative person that I was. And I felt that I needed to do something to get me back to the old me, the productive me, the one who read obsessively, and blogged about every little thought that came in my mind, and always reconstructed big man shirts to fit me.

I just feel a little lost and very unproductive, especially since I'm not in school at the moment, and I just feel the need to find something to express myself with. And of course since I'm very picky about the things I buy and can never completely be satisfied, I figured I could make things just the way I want them. 

I wish I was back in San Francisco, hanging out at the Women's Center on our Knitting Circle evenings, with good company and amazing conversations, while everyone knits and crochets their little hearts away.

(Brat Grrl)

[07 Mar 2008|10:10am]
 I've given up in a sense, or I'm not sure if I've tried hard enough yet.
 I want to rekindle what once was, but I don't think it'll ever be the same again. 
Maybe its me, maybe its them, but I do realize that once you're married, 
people don't think you're interested anymore.
It makes me wonder why I even came back.

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